decided to stay at the wake tonight too, so will be there for two nights straight till sunday. over the last few days I heard stories from aunties, cousins, and my cousins' own kids.

how my 小姨, my late cousin, and two other male cousins grew up and played together. even though she was one generation senior, but their age were quite close. then my mum revealed that actually... even b4 I graduate, my cousin was asking his mum if I have found a job. he... was worried that I couldn't find one.

Mum was asking if I told him I found a job. I told her of cos... he was the first one I informed outside our family. I remember personally sending him a sms when he was in china and our last meet-up at the temple I had updated him.

last night another of my cousin went to the wake but she didn't approach the house. her family is preparing for a wedding this end of year and their dad refuse to let any of them come. seriously? I do respect traditions and customs. but if this cousin is one of your dearest and ur own family still disallow you to come? I mean come on, what year is it now?!

I would go too if I'm her. they only realised she was there when someone told my relatives that there's a lady squatting and crying beside a tree, looking at their house.

last night was overwhelming and there was no space for pp to sit down. many were standing but they did not mind at all. it only goes to show what a great father, son, friend, boss, colleague, cousin and the many roles my cousin was to the people around him.

走好哦...

since last friday, before we got the call to confirm what happened. I referred to him as my cousin or kor. After we got the call, I dunno what to say. Kor? Casket?

It seems that by using 'casket' I de-personalize the death, and I relate to it like an incident rather than a person who is forever gone. Maybe being less specific helps to numb the feelings. but conscience kicks in I tell myself: 'For god's sake, that is kor we're talking about. Not just a casket'

The return flight is confirmed for tonight and we estimate the wake to commence early next morning. While I just want my cousin to be back home in Singapore again, like my relatives, I also dread the impending closure. I've been picturing my aunt, uncle, my 表嫂, my nieces and nephew cry by the casket even before the wake started. I know it will happen and its so real. yet, there's nothing anyone can do to stop the pain.

I was relieved that I could tell concerned friends, that I am handling it fine. Over the weekend I managed to pull myself better and distract myself with work. But now... now that tml is the wake. I do not have any confidence that I can be that strong again. The first and the last day is always very emotional. And I want to be able to control my emotions, to be able to help around.

its hard, but I will try my best. hold it back, gal...

this is a post about the many happenings lately I wanna rant about:

1. bug bites
my mum & aunt (she lives nearby, happen to drop by this morning) deduced that the bites on my legs/thighs are from the chair I sat on. Means its either my house's or my office's. which the latter is the likely culprit becos my chair hasn't gave me any prob at hm b4 and the itch started at work.


2. mystery calls from unknown number
I noticed it started from the tradeshow... somehow during the show, I started receiving calls from an unknown number. and this morning I got one again. no sound, no one speaking. just silence. great.


3. IT consultant getting too friendly
this particular IT consultant which recommended us one of our clients for a grant. happened to be my boss's friend too. somehow lately becos we started following up for his case again, he started to call/sms/email more frequently. which is supposed to be natural. until for 2 days in a row, he started to call me after work for non-urgent work stuff. and he called me 'Rachy' instead of the Rachel I am known by at work.

and today he asked if I have msn, thru sms. he said thks after receiving an email from me to send him the completed form.

'do you have msn?'

'yes but I seldom use.'

'oh, you don't like chatting online? becos I log on while at work easier to communicate'

'oh... I prefer calling. It works better for me, I think it gets work done faster'

YA, LIKE REAL I DON'T USE MSN?! LOL. but ya, my intention is to just fend him off... no matter how innocent was his intention - it could really be work. but the signals he's sending is telling me nope. I don't want to open the floodgates to have clients add me on MSN. No way...

and baby, I thought of sth. The next time he calls me after work and I'm with you... help me pick up the call first. HAHAHA. 'oh, sorry... my hands weren't free, I got my BOYFRIEND to pick up first' :P

luckily out of the many clients and 'business partners' (consultants who refer us clients and vice versa), most are nice pp. only 1 out of 10 will give u prob. Be it their attitude, some weird stuff they do or... whatever pisses consultants off...

i got my wish - warm hug & nice strong shoulders. hahaha.

and the best part is we achieved so much in a few hrs, and went home early. dinner and browsing around shops at IMM... I even managed to get some nail polish at face shop :D and we got another dish for Mika... and more new movie titles.

(: thks baby



P.S: I even fulfilled my MOS burger cravings. yay hay!

my entries will be predictably more heavy & gloomy in topic for this period... while this is my outlet for pouring my thoughts out, I also rather not sadden other people with my experience (: so for those who rather not read abt sad stuff... avoid my blog for the week perhaps.

since it will be back to work tml, I left my cousin's place early & came home for a quiet dinner with my parents. it seems like e everyone forgotten that I have grown up. My cousin commented that she forgot I'm not a kid anymore, which was why I stayed over to help out. And another one asked me if I'm still staying over tonight, forgetting that I have work tml.

I don't know... this week will be hard for many of us I guess. but I am glad to go back to work so I do not have to be surrounded constantly by grief and heartbreaks. it hurts to see how my aunt still cries at every concerned relative/friend/ex-neighbour/blah blah who calls. and she is slping so little that she is light headed and walks unsteadily.

I hope to get the week quickly over and done with... so that we can all have a proper closure and come to terms with what have already happened.

I nd a warm hug and nice strong shoulders... till I see you baby *winks (:

it feels good to have poured out everything with last night's post. today was in a much better state to help out around the house. needless to say, went over since the morning. and my 小姨 asked if i could stay over because they are worried abt how my aged uncle n auntie would be at home with the kids. they have to deal with the pouring in of calls and my aunt would cry with every call or visit. the kids are doing well, at least in front of me... and the two youngest ones would try to revise when they can.

I'm glad I stayed back cos there were alot of loose ends to take care of between the china and local undertaker. have to make sure all the information needed is sent over or vice versa. and the kids are too small to know certain details because when my uncles n grandma passed away they were too young to understand certain things.

all in all... I am coping, and so is my cousin's family. everyone is trying their best to take care of things here so they would not worry too much when they're in china.

i know it will nt be easy when the casket is transported back... everyone will have to deal with the loss again. and this time reality would fall right smack in our faces.

we'll be strong and press on.

for u!

To My Dearest 雄兴Kor...

The phonecall this evening confirmed our worst fears and burst that last glimmer of hope. You have really left us and this is all too sudden for any of us to accept.

We know that your family would be the greatest worry you left behind. But that will be our responsibility now. Yun, Min, Wei & Ling have been very sensible today - they handled their emotions well and took care of each other. You had taken care of us, so now its my turn kor... I know the youngest two are having their exams, so this weekend... I will help them with their revision if they need anything from me.

Ma couldn't slp last night... As much as we have all felt heartbroken, it must have felt no better for her. I know how dear you were to each other, and I think she treated you like a son too... We will teach her how to use the handphone you got her, and put it to gd use.

I'm so glad I went to the temple and saw you the last time you were back. Saw you in your running gear and we caught up with s short chat. Even before I got my job, I told myself to give you a treat with my pay. You were the first I want to thank... Rem our Alice in Wonderland? I can't find the book on my shelf, I must have passed it on to one of our nieces. I will try my best to get it back and keep it properly.

Kor... I thought when there is a better time, I would bring my boyfriend with me to lunch or dine with you. I haven't even told you about him... did you know?

There is so much I want to tell you kor. So much, so much more. I really wish it doesn't have to end this way.

But I will control my emotions better for you kor... Have to be strong to take care of your little ones.

Rest in peace kor... I love you.

because waiting is painful. especially when it is for agonizing news... let me just spill my thoughts here, and hopefully be able to get on with my work and the rest of my day...

he coached me in my English when I was awful in it.

he bought me my first handphone and paid for my phone bills for a year, when he knew... my family couldn't afford another bill.

he picked me up when I was lost in town.

he offered to support me in furthering my studies when the economy was down and I was looking for a job, even when he had 4 kids of his own to worry about.

he offered to give me mock interviews, because he has been hiring managers and have friends in the recruitment industry who can give me practice.


he was, in many ways, more than a cousin to me. and although we are still establishing the facts, my dearest cousin may have left us last night. on his usual jogging, where he was on a working trip in Beijing, he collapsed.

right now, my relatives are on a plane there... I can't imagine the agony of the plane ride for his wife, his sister and my accompanying cousin (a man has got to be there... his father has a weak heart)...

I would give anything, anything... for you to be back kor...

just when i had mentioned how life is unpredictable in a very recent post, sth happened today that made me think - u really dunno wad is coming round the corner.

was knocking off and taking the lift down, and saw two tenants heading to the lobby from the opposite end of the floor( our bldg has lots of tenants housed in offices like mine). as I still do not know alot of the tenants there, I tot I shld be friendly and just smiled at the 2 gentlemen - 1 indian & 1 caucasian.

when the lift door closed, I heard the indian speak:

'so are you in consulting or IT?'

it took me split seconds to realise he was talking to me because the caucasian was obviously his colleague. and I casually replied consulting and told him wad we do.

'so if I want to apply for a grant you can help me?'

I tot he was just making small talk, but I soon realised he was serious - they were really gonna apply for a grant but dunno how to. and we exchanged namecards outside the lobby... just when I saw my boss's car drive by and long enough for me to see his puzzled face as to why I was stnading there with the 2 unfamiliar men.

so you see? a short lift ride can even lead to potential customers. gosh.

oh, at first when I haven't seen who was spking to me I tot it was the caucasian man who spoke though. the typical stereotyping. yeah... we're all an occasional culprit of tat aren't we? :X surprisingly, from the brief eye contact we exchg & his body language, the caucasian is the shyer guy there.

hmm. let's hope this really leads to sth good. prove my 'usefulness' at work.

tml is a dreadfully boring day. this time boring because of the work, not because there's none. there are a few things I have to iron out abt some proposals tat is starting to get on my nerves. just getting the information alone needed quite a lot of email exchgs because the consultant guy gave us 6 cases in one shot.

and I end up doing all the proposal & coordination shit. boo.

this is an extension of my FB status today - the ironies of life... now that tradeshow is over, the workload is much lesser. because new work haven come in yet and I'm pretty idle in the office.

today I'm basically going over old work to find new things to do. reading the news. chatting. playing bejeweled :X oops. and after lunch my boss even suggested we have coffee. which is weird. because my boss DOESN'T drink coffee. he only drinks tea.

an obervation I've made in the recent months:

sometimes when I don't go to Jer's house or during random hrs of the day... I'm chatting more often with his first younger sister. the one closest to age in me. at first I tot we had the least to talk abt. maybe becos she was usually not home. but it could be due to our similarity in age and that we're both working... that actually I have the most to talk abt with her than any of her sisters. well of cos, we are very different in personality. but still, we can go on n on chatting sometimes. but if I were to say hi to the other two sisters on msn, it'll just go on a while and stop. heh.

so... its funny the way things happen sometimes. you click with the person you least expect to. well... this is life!


P.S to Jer: so you probably know who's the little bird now :P

my monday was never simpler. but I wouldn't ask for more (:

becos the boyfriend is having an exam soon, I tot I shld do sth to make him feel motivated. or maybe I shld say, give him the time to study. cos I don't think he's motivated. haha!

anyway, I didn't call to make plans like we usually do but the bf offered to send me home from work. and when I got on his car guess what he said?

'so where are we going?'


lol. like my 'sacrifice' was wasted cos I noe his heart doesn't lies in revision. haha. anyway... we went to get our mr bean ice cream fix and took a short walk around Jurong Safra to explore the facilities. all in all it was like less than 2 hrs. but still... its one of those quality times spent where u feel gd even though it was a short meet-up?

baby, I know you'll see this... so I hope my 'sacrifice' will be worth it eventually, get u in the mood for studying. jia you! you can do it! (:

after a long week of pre-preparations and attending the tradeshow, I was planning for a good long post for reflections. although the crowd wasn't as much as expected, overall it was still a good event to participate, in terms of the brand exposure our clients got and some solid follow ups for of our own that will hopefully materialise.

well, this tradeshow has definitely been a great learning experience for me. I knew our clients better, understood their system (& in turn, franchising) more... and I think I sorta built up the confidence they have in me. becos many realised that I was just with my boss for a few months, and freshly graduated. they seem impressed and told me that they could not tell. I think it was mainly becos of the way I tried to be calm even though I may be like panicking when people ask me things I don't understand. how shld I put it... its like the way I carry myself, they didn't think I was so young and 'fresh' (in the workplace that is, don't let ur thoughts run wild eh!) because I seem mature for my age.

and yeah, luckily I am not those type who is very secretive and concerned abt age. so I take it as a compliment when they say 'oh you are so young, I couldn't tell!'. let's just say I was also eager to prove to my boss that I can do work fine... and my clients told him that he's fortunate to have hired me and I am seriously glad that someone said it to him. but let's hope he'll appreciate it.

ever since the appraisal I've been like filtering my thoughts and second-guessing what he says. its so tiring. and I've said this more than once so maybe even as u read u're getting tired of me saying this too.

I mean for a small company you need to have more trust between colleagues and u have no choice but to open up more... becos its just u! even if u don like it, u are very much tog most of the times. which is why I am hesitating to commit to this job now becos of all these. gosh. its bothering me so much sometimes...

anyway, let's not talk abt my job... kinda give me conflicting emotions whenever I think abt it. here's some types of people that I got visiting our booth.


the lucky chaps/ladies
many Indonesians come over to look for businesses to introduce back to their country. there are also some like middle eastern businessmen who are even richer... and a few lucky young men & ladies like around our age... whose parents brought them to the tradeshow to look for businesses to invest in. god, its like how other parents bring kids out for shopping but they are buying franchises not toys or clothes.

the retired businessmen/bosses
retired, going to retire... they come in the weekdays, like in the afternoon, which only goes to show they hold high positions in their companies and are looking for sth to invest so they can retire comfortably. some also bring their secretary (male & females) who help them drop their cards into trays & bowls...

the snoopy competitors
be it ours or our clients'... u're bound to have some people sniffing round ur booth to see if they can pick up anything interesting or juicy... hmm.

the trying-to-be-funny
there was this guy who asked me a question I would have like to walk away from. 'so which one of ur franchise will require the least commitment from me?'

damn. he is every franchisor's nightmare. those who just buy the franchise and hope to make money from it. come on, its not a stock or fixed deposit... if u can't be responsible to at least oversee ur franchise, there is no such good deal in the world that will let u sit back & wait for the fruits to drop.

then another came to our booth and just said, 'is this (insert my company name)? I am looking for rachel!' (I go by rachel at work, easier to remember/pronounce than chinese name)

guess what, I've never seen him b4. if I spoke to him I would know becos even know I'm not gd with remembering names, I do rem faces I've seen pretty well (fyi: the previous guy came to our booth the next day and I recognised him). I HAVE NOT talked to him b4 and he must have been like snooping around & following me to see my tag for my name. becos the whole day I was shuttling around to be around & support our clients as they were giving talks abt their concepts.

god! wad an interesting world...

as the boyfriend has pointed out (in a much nicer way of course), I seem to be retarded in interpreting my bosses' words. since its not the first time. lol which is indeed very strange, because under normal circumstances I would have retorted back.

'my personal life is none of your business!'

oh of cos, in a much nicer way too.

now, there are a few options for after-work plans today and I am still contemplating each over & over again in my head. I guess it depends on when I'm knocking off and how tired I am.

I thought I can report direct to Suntec tml, and slp later in the morning. but my boss said come back to the office to meet & he'll drop me there. dang. perhaps recently, due to my boss dabbling in my personal life. alright, poking his nose rather.

my boss said sth during work today, which again I didn't think much about it until later when I had the time to 'digest' it. Because I misinterpreted it. trust me, this is not because I am thinking too much. If you read my past posts, there is a 'history' to this.

'these few days, because of the tradeshow... rest after you finish your work'

at first... I understood it as my boss meaning I can knock off early if I finish my work, because tradeshows will be long days. but no... afterwards it struck me by what he truly meant.

again... my personal life. ever since the appraisal I constantly reminded myself not to reveal anything about my plans after 6pm. which I successfully did until yesterday. I was kept outside the office for most of the day because of 3 meetings and he called when we were about to go back to the office. Usually calls that come in when we're outside, not in meetings... I'll pick them up.

Baby was calling to ask if I have any plans, our usual routine if he has no classes. its like a habit to see if we have anything on after work and if not... are we planning anything? 90% of the time ends up in sth planned. lol. so... I had a hard time talking to him because I want to avoid my boss knowing my after-work plans. And in trying to be natural and continue proper conversations with Jer, I had to reveal reluctantly that I am meeting him for dinner or movie.


and see... just ytd he found out I was doing sth after work... he commented on it today. what he truly means is he's hinting to me to go home and rest after work because our tradeshow is coming. damn. I do regret not saying anything then. feel like kicking myself. next time I should count to ten, rehearse what I want to say in my head and just spit it out immediately or I'll have to endure nonsense like this.

at the end of this utterly short sunday, I'm totally exhausted by the weekend's activities. but still... its fulfilling.

saturday was sorta last minute plan. Jer awoke from his long slumber (and I really mean looooong) and we decided to have a quiet dinner with his parents (the sisters went out for a birthday party). so SH went to the market and bought some stuff for cooking dinner and bought some of the yummy poh piahs from the 400+ market.

and then came the impromptu bowling session. I am proud to say I have improved my score! but certainly need more practice cos the 'feel' isn't there yet. inconsistent leh!

now today was the auction thingy my ex-colleague asked me to help. I was actually quite unwilling to help out cos I know this period will be busy, since next week is the tradeshow week. even if I have no work to do, I will be tired from the week's work. indeed... I had some work to complete. but since I already said I would help out and she can't find anymore people... a promise is a promise...

met some nice gals from today's auction. one was a hospitality poly student and another was an auditor who worked in one of the big 4 and she can speak dutch cos she's born there ok! so cool!

so basically it means hours of standing (this time the pay is lower, to my disappointment - bt still 10 bucks an hour) and I was again irritated by one of the Indonesian guys. who keep pestering me to take photos and wanna be 'friendly'.

in the end, he didn't give me the shock of the day. some other guy did. during lunch, our sit-down-to-rest session... one of the guys moving the paintings came up to me and say:

'are you the gal who was reading 8 days on the train?'

at first I didn't quite get wad he's saying. becos I haven spoke to him at all, neither have I seen him before. even though I know I had 8 days in the bag, I still didn't really get wad he meant by the qn. after asking him did I realise that this guy was trying to say he saw me on the train in the morning reading 8 days and he tot I was familiar.

ok...

then, even though I tot this guy was weird, I still attempted to make some small talk so I won't appear rude... and he dropped the next bombshell on me...

'are you going back boon lay later? cos my friend is driving and giving us a lift to outram. we can give u a lift to the station too.'

I was like WTH!!! how did he know I live in boon lay?!?!

I dunno wad was the guy's intention... maybe he really was trying to be nice. but I doubtso and was seriously creeped out. he said he saw me on the train, tt's how he knew I live in boon lay. but come on... when you take the train, do you scrutinize every face in the cabin, remember what they are doing and where they board?!?!

give me a break from weird guys.

I only want Jer :D

I guess I should have put a disclaimer on my previous entry recommending the taxidiary? :P I was told it is an addictive read and distracted someone very seriously at work. keke.



fri evening was spent with Jer in the Clementi neighbourhood. he went for his 推拿 while I just hung round the neighbourhood. dinner wasn't much of a choice there since its a neighbourhood? haha. anyway, we went for the sushi at Ramen Ten - yeah, the .99 per plate sushi. this was how jer transformed his ebi sushi when he was trying to get it all with his chopsticks without them dropping... and I tot it was cute. the prawns were like hanging by their tails. ha!

thurs was megan's birthday, and we sorta went to the intercontinental buffet that I've been telling you guys about... I would say it is a good bargain for 1-for-1, but not at the original price. because their food wasn't really like a whole big spread kinda buffet. but the quality kind. which I must say I love the oysters & fresh prawns...

some of my fave food & pictures of the night:


parma ham with rock melon






forgot the name of this salad, it was quite a mouthful... its mushroom tossed with wild rocket & cheese *yummy!


roma tomatoes - the juicy sweetness just bursts in ur mouth. eat it in one mouth! don't bite and waste the juices!


the would-have-been nice shot if melanie hadn't been 'stunned' by the sudden opening lift doors ):

found an interesting blog of a local taxi driver with a PhD, how's that? his stories of what he sees and experiences during his driving days are very enjoyable reads. here you go:

http://taxidiary.blogspot.com

hope you enjoy them as much as I do!



this is a fantastic shellfish my mum recently found at Sheng Shiong. its a type of bigger lala from Philippines. and its so damn good. very fleshy and sweet. just steam with soya sauce & voila~!

been asked about my recent lack of posts, and I guess I can attribute it to the string of bad luck I had previously with uploading photos. so, me is back to 'freshen up' my blog!

hmm, first up... few photos which I missed uploading:





was from our previous trip to hanabi, this japanese restaurant in bkt timah. yummy japanese food buffet!


I dunno since when did I develop less interest for my job. how shld I put it... I like wad I'm learning but I don't like wad I'm doing. I'm hoping its cos for now, we are short handed and the situation will improve. becos right now I feel that I spend more time doing proposals, write ups and random stuff around or outside the office that I feel I am not learning enough. as in, I think I will forget the 'practical' part of consulting after doing so much of the theory stuff. and I'm not trained enough.

its like a vicious cycle. you wanna do more, but you're not trained enough. you're not trained enough, that's why you can't do more.

and it really really worries me sometimes about wad I can do after this? hmmmmm. well... my mindset now is, just see what opportunities this company will give me after the tradeshow (which is in 2 wks time). boss is sending me to training after that. i know i must have blogged abt this more than once... heh. its becos its bothering me. i hope i'm not thinking too much!

*~*~*~*

on a lighter note... my bro and I had an interesting communication ytd. we msned to each other while we were both at home. and my door was open and he was using his com just outside the room. hehe. it had to do with the secret we both are keeping. each of us has a trip planned and our parents are not informed yet. we decided that we will tell them tog when his is confirmed.

i seriously don't think mine will be a 'problem' to tell. becos I'm working and earning and stuff. but my bro... he is a NSmen without much savings and recently back from TW. he... will have more to deal with. wahahaha. yeah it is in times like that we are more 'united' sometimes :P

alright... its 12mn now. I would love to finish one episode of True Blood from Season 2 but on second thoughts... maybe not. have a long way to go tml!

i need to exercise man... working really made my diet unhealthy. cos sometimes I have to settle things quickly, lunch in a restaurant is the fastest way - since its more exp, the crowd is lesser.

so it often means i either eat a much bigger meal, or much unhealthier meal. cos at least in food courts i can still choose soups and lighter food.

so, so..! SH you need to exercise! jog! climb the stairs! don't be so lazy la...

and guess wad... more rich food coming our way. gosh... intercontinental hotel buffet! 1 for 1 promo guys! :D :D

trying to act busy in the office. the morning meeting i tot we had wasn't on. and there isn't much stuff for me to do. spent my morning missing my weekly Spinelli coffee fix, reading news online and sending the occasional email.

as my various nick on MSN and FB mentioned this week, I had snow crab and sashimi... and it was gd! very fresh and I can't imagine if the frozen snow crab tasted this gd, what would the fresh one be like? *salivates

this week, as jer noted, is full of sinful food... burgers with wagyu/angus beef patty. and from the minced beef leftover we made pasta the next day. then was the snow crab, sashimi and we shared a Superdog meal before our movie. but they were all damn good!





oh, we had our sashimi fix at this japanese 'fish market' opposite the Giant Supermarket in Vivo's basement. u choose ur salmon n they slice on the spot for u! :D